Berkeley Daily Gazette, 13 May 1930: Larry S. Steele had one tough ukulele. He remembers having an argument with three strangers, before waking up in hospital. He was found insensible in his car, and he claims that the strangers beat him unconscious with his own ukulele. Never underestimate the potential of this little instrument.
The Daily Times of 27 January 1930 asked this question because a man had been arrested for stealing a saxophone. Next thing you know it will be considered a misdemeanor to assault a ukelele player! (Ha Ha, says I)
The Hawaiian Gazette ran the following report on 21 March 1911 (not for the faint hearted):
Drink and jealousy were responsible for a bloody affair last night at Waihee, near Kalia, on the windward side of the Island, when Sam Pookalani attempted to murder his mistress, eighteen-year old Hilda Sheldon. After breaking the blade of a foot-long (30cm) knife on the woman’s forearm bone, slitting that arm and her other hand with another knife, and more or less seriously wounding a Chinaman, who came to the girl’s assistance, he was overpowered and disarmed.
He is now under arrest in the Kaneohe jail, while the wounded woman and her year-old baby will be brought to town this morning and place in the Queen’s Hospital.
She owes her life to the fact that she held a ukulele at the time her lover rushed at her with his knife, warding off the first vicious thrusts with the instrument.
One more benefit of ukulele playing (but in such situations, a bass instrument might offer more protection — a saxophone, perhaps)